You will never have fresh eyes
Mark-making captivated my interest as it is an apprehension of both the conscious and subconscious expression, movement, and moment that will never come again.
For a process of an individual painting, I- an artist was a tool, like a brush. Paints used my hand on its way through the canvas. Though led by such subconsciousness, it was vital for me to stay sober when painting so that I can observe and learn from my subconscious side.
For the outcome and overall work, the role was reversed. I- an artist used my artworks as tools. The observations that I gained during each (subconscious) painting process trained the conscious side of my mind. The artistic manipulation hence lies in the process of juxtaposing and setup between the paintings that were previously made in a subconsciously saturated state.
The subconscious mind silenced the conscious mind during each painting whereas the conscious mind manipulated the subconscious mind after painting.
Therefore, the artist (the consciousness in this case) and artwork (the subconsciousness in this case) are using each other, learning from each other, and mirroring each other. But like the two mirrors facing one another, it is never-ending and never fully comprehensible. But you, as a viewer, always find yourself staring at your own glare when in between these two, don’t you?